"All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream." Edgar A. Poe

We had been dating for only a month, but I felt as though I had been with him my whole life. Our relationship had been good, he was always polite to my parents; almost a perfect gentleman. He had leaned over to kiss me on the cheek, so naturally, I kissed him back. He began to kiss me hard on the mouth, his tongue penetrating into me; and that was when I knew something was wrong. As this continued, I could feel fear building up within me. He then whispered the three little words that every girl wants to hear: "I love you," as he tackled me and tore at my clothing. Shocked and paralyzed with fear, I begged and pleaded for him to stop; but my pleas were left empty and unanswered. Time was stopped and what probably took only minutes, seemed to drag on for endless hours.

My mind wandered in and out as we walked back to his old farm house. His long silences were breaking me. I wanted to know why; why me, why now, why he hurt me; but I could not find the words that were lodged deep within my broken heart. As my eyes filled with salty tears and my heart with hatred, he put his dirty arm around me and I felt sick. It was then that I realized I was trapped; I had nowhere to run from him and he could hurt me if I did.

He watched me with his cold blue eyes as I slowly pushed the hard plastic buttons on his phone to call my mother. He waited for me to crack; to break down and cry; but I would not let myself give him such satisfaction.

As my mother quickly pulled into his driveway ten minutes later, he pulled me close to hug me. As I shook in his arms he repeated his three-word lie. His words cut through me and I again felt anger swelling within me.

I let the door slam hard behind me as I walked to our rusted, blue Honda. My mother was anxious to hear the details of the fishing trip I had just returned form. I had no intentions of telling her the truth about what had just happened, so I turned to her, forcing a smile to form on my now chapped lips and said, "It was nice; I had a good time." Never in my life has a lie so small had such an effect on me. Except for the radio blaring off beat Country music trash, the rest of the ride home was done in silence.

I sat at our hard oak table listing to my parents babble on about their care free lives and wondered what had happened to mine. I continued to sit at the table picking at my meal as guilt began to absorb me. I cleared my place and walked down our long hallway hanging my head to hide the tears that managed to escape me.

I entered into my cluttered room and lay on my bed fighting rage and holding back saline filled floods. As I laid in stillness, I buried my head deep within my pillow's softness and let loose the same floods which I had hidden from my parents not ten minutes before. Long after my tears had dried, I slowly drifted off into an exhausted sleep where my thoughts ran wiled along with my emotions.
During the next year and two months of our relationship a lot happened; on the outside we had a perfect role model relationship for every couple, but it was another story on the inside. Things began to slip since that day long ago in October of 1997, but my denial of reality didn't help the situation. Everything was like a dream-world to me. Then one day I finally woke up and ended that nightmare when I ended out relationship.

I decided to share this not for the pitty of others, but as motivation for others not sit back and let something like this go unheard of. Because I was afraid of what would happen, I never reported my rape. I never even told anyone until a year later, and it was too late by then. I know this must sound like one of those commercials that you see on TV, but this is something that I care deeply about.
Thanks you for your time.